I have no trouble submitting to my husband in the "big" things. My husband believes we should be faithful in our church attendance. I couldn't agree more. My husband feels we should homeschool. I have no trouble submitting in that area either. In fact, homeschooling my children is one of the things I enjoy most in life. My husband believes we should teach our children godly character traits. I am behind him 100%. The deepest desire of both of our hearts is to glorify God and live in a manner pleasing to Him. Because this is the goal that we both have in life, we have no trouble agreeing on the "big" things.

However it is not always easy to submit in the "little things". Here are three scenarios: 

1)When my husband says, "Could you and the children come to the store with me so you can help me pick out what color of paint you want for the kitchen?" all I can think of is the huge pile of dishes in the sink, the toys all over the living room, and the barefoot, less than clean children.

2)When my husband (who has a work schedule that allows him to be off during the day on Fridays) says, "Let's eat lunch early so the boys can help me get some yard work done this afternoon," all I can think of is the fact that we will never get done with school in time to have lunch early. In fact, we are doing well to be done with school in time to have lunch by 3:00.

3) When my husband says, "I think we should start eating more fresh vegetables," all I can think of is how much more time it would take to prepare supper if I have to fix fresh vegetables instead of canned or frozen ones. I already struggle with getting supper ready at a decent hour. 

It is not so easy to submit during times like this. In each of the cases above, after my initial negative reaction, I was able to figure out a way to make his request work. In the first case I simply dropped everything else, got the children ready and we went with him. He saw the mess as well and it obviously did not bother him enough for him to want me to stay home and clean it. In the second case, I decided we could skip history and science that day and be done in time. In the fresh vegetable case, I simply had my children help me prepare the fresh vegetables and it did not take much more of my time. There are certainly times when I can explain the situation to my husband and he is usually more than willing to change his plans. However, nine times out of ten, I believe I should find a way to meet his request, without asking him to change it. 

Do I always handle all of his requests in a biblical, submissive, sweet manner? No, but I am working on it! In fact, in each of the above cases, I found a reason to be thankful. I was thankful that my husband wanted my input on the color of the kitchen and did not rush out and paint it a color that I may not like. I was thankful that my husband was teaching the boys to do yard work. I was thankful that he wanted his family to be as healthy as possible by eating fresh vegetables.

Another way that it is important to submit to my husband is when we know he would like me to do things or not do certain things but does not specifically "give a command." My husband's personality type is not one to "give orders." A few years ago when we first got a computer, I spent way too much time on the computer. My husband never told me to spend less time on the computer. But I soon realized that was his desire. He would make comments like, "Oh, are you on the computer again?" or "If I don't know where you are, I will know I will find you at the computer." My first thought was, "He never told me NOT to spend so much time at the computer so I am really not being unsubmissive." However, I realized, in my heart I was being unsubmissive. I knew he that he felt that I was not making wise use of my time even though he had never specifically told me. I cut back from the one or two hours a day I was spending at the computer to spending only 15 to 30 minutes a day. Even though we certainly had a good marriage during the time I was at the computer so much, it became sweeter after I submitted to his wishes, even though they were never voiced.

Occasionally my husband asks something of me to which it is very hard to submit. Usually this involves the children. For example, for one of our children's birthdays, we had planned on getting him something that he has wanted for a long time. However, a few days before his birthday, my husband decided that we could not spend the money for that particular toy right then and that we would get him something cheaper. I was so disappointed. My first instinct was to argue and nag and complain.

However, I bit my lip and said, "Okay" (after 16 years of marriage, I am learning). As it turned out, our son really liked the gift we did get him and plays with it constantly. He never even noticed that he did not get what he asked for. However, even if he had not enjoyed the gift as much as he would have the other one, I still needed to be submissive.

Contrary to what the world tries to tell us, my sons do not look down on women because their Mom is submissive to their Daddy. On the contrary, they respect me far more when they see me submitting to him. They in turn are more willing to submit to me. Also, contrary to what the world teaches, my daughters do not think they are inferior to men because their Mom chooses to submit to their Daddy. Our youngest daughter is still a toddler but there is nothing our oldest daughter, who is five, wants more than to be a wife and mom, just like me. (When she plays "house," it is sweet to hear her say on her toy phone, "I'll get back to you on that. I need to talk it over with my husband.") 

In my opinion, my husband is the most wonderful human being on the face of the earth. He makes wise decisions and seeks with all his heart to do things in a biblical and upright way. However, he would be the first to tell you that he is not perfect. He does occasionally say something or  do something or make a decision that makes me nervous. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my giving my husband my opinion. In fact, often he will ask me for it. However, if after I have given my opinion (and only once, twice would be nagging), he chooses to do the opposite, I must accept his decision. Most of the time, his decision has proven to be the right one, but a couple of times, he has made a decision that had unpleasant consequences. I should not have an "I told you so" attitude when my husband makes mistakes. Only the Lord never makes mistakes. We need to allow our husbands to be less than perfect. 

I am my husband's wife, not his Holy Spirit. I am his wife, not his accountant. I am his wife, not his "public relations person." I am his wife, not his career counselor. I am his wife, not his dietitian. I am his wife, not his personal advisor. And I would not trade my position of being his wife for any of those other jobs. I love the role of being his wife. 

I love to observe older couples, those who have been married for 30, 40 or even 50 years. Some of these older couples are precious to observe. They act like newlyweds. Even when visiting with others, I see them glance lovingly at each other. They are truly a team. The wife talks about her husband as through he is her best friend in all the world. Submitting to her husband has become second nature to her. It is as much a part of her life as breathing. 

I am fully aware that not every wife has a husband who makes it as easy to submit to as mine does. I have a couple of friends who are very submissive to their husbands and their husbands are still often unkind and cruel. I don't mean to minimize or belittle their situation. And God's Word does tells us, "To whom much has been given, much more will be required..." I truly believe that the rewards for a wife who has submitted to an ungodly husband will be greater than the rewards given to a wife who had a husband that made it easy to submit.

The rewards of being submissive even in the "little things" (especially in the "little things") are a sweet relationship that, in my opinion, is the closest thing we will have to Heaven on this earth. The rewards are nearly always a sweet, loving marriage. The rewards are a husband who trusts his wife, being fully confident that she is not acting behind his back. The rewards are that a submissive wife can be a godly example to younger wives. The rewards are that the children will most likely grow up to respect authority. The rewards of sweet submission are beyond measure. I pray that I will always remember that!

If you feel it would be an encouragement or a blessing to someone, you have the Stilwell's permission to forward this article in its entirety. They just ask that you include this note at the bottom of the article with their name and e-mail address (Jeff and Kim Stilwell, jkstilwell@juno.com) in case someone wishes to contact them. Thank you.

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