Most homeschooling Moms will confess that homeschooling their children is a
challenge. Yes, it is rewarding, exciting and even fun, but it is NOT
easy. It is even more difficult when the child does not fall into the
category of a "typical" student.
Three of my four school age children are "typical" students.
They love some subjects and tolerate others. They each have their
strengths and weaknesses. One is extremely active and often does his school work
while bouncing up and down a bit but, over all, he is a good student who catches
on to things quickly. Another is a perfectionist and gets upset if her
letters aren't perfect and she can't figure out a word immediately but she is
still learning quite quickly. In spite of these things, I consider
them to be "typical" students.
Then the Lord has given us a child who does not fit the "typical"
student category. He can tell you a lot about how houses are constructed.
He can do about any craft with minimal help. He is always giving his
family members a spontaneous hug. He is a willing, hard worker at chore
time (most of the time). He is extremely creative. However, if he
were to be tested or be in a traditional school environment he would be
considered about two "grade levels" behind.
There are many homeschooling children who struggle to learn, children with downs
syndrome, deaf children, extremely active children, children who just have a
tough time learning certain concepts and many other categories (Compared to
many, I actually have it quite "easy" in teaching my nontraditional
student). God created each child to be a unique individual with different
talents, gifts and abilities. However, it is easy to feel alone when one
is trying to homeschool a child who is different.
If God has put it in our hearts that we should homeschool our children, He will
equip us to do it no matter what the circumstances may be. Remember, "I can
do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." So even though we may
feel alone, we are not. Even though teaching our children the "3 Rs"
may seem like a long, uphill battle, God will give us the emotional, physical
and spiritual strength to do it.
Sometimes God uses other homeschooling parents to help and encourage us. I have
gained a wealth of knowledge and received much encouragement from a friend who
has a son with similar learning struggles as our son. Other homeschooling
moms have also been very helpful, sometimes by doing nothing more than providing
a listening ear. We are also blessed with a wonderful supervising teacher
whose advice and expertise have been invaluable.
We homeschoolers hate to admit it but occasionally we need...dare I say
it?...outside help. My husband and I strongly believe that it is the
parent's primary responsibility to teach our children. However, two of our
sons have had speech problems, one of them severe. My husband and I knew
we did not have the expertise to help them overcome these problems so both of
them went to speech therapy for several years.
I have also learned it is important to be constantly in prayer for the
children. Of course I pray about many things concerning each child, but I
also pray specifically for them in areas where they struggle in school. I
have found that often when we have one frustrating day after another that my
prayer life has been sadly lacking.
One thing that has really helped my frustration level is to look at my son
realistically. If I compare his reading to other children his age, I can
become extremely frustrated. However if I compare his reading to where his
ability is (about two years younger than his age), I realize he really is doing
okay. (I do not mean that I lower the bar of expectation of what he is
capable of doing. For example, I am much quicker to help him when he is
struggling with a combination of sounds such as "ch" or "ing"
than I am to help him with a sound I KNOW he knows ones he has gotten correct in
the past such as "h" or "s" because I know his
capabilities.)
On days when progress seems very slow with this child, it helps me to look back.
I look at what he knew yesterday or even last month and see the lack of
progress, I get discouraged. But if I look back six months or a year, I do see
progress that greatly encourages me.
Often we need to try different approaches in schooling our children who learn
differently or more slowly. I use a lot more "whole
language" with this child than I ever have with his brothers, who have
learned to read by a rather strict phonics approach.
One important thing I have learned, the hard way, is not to try to explain our
sons difficulties to people. When someone asks this son to read something
that most children his age can read it is tempting to want to explain that he
has "learning disabilities." But when I stop to weigh my
motivations for explaining, I realize it is purely pride on my part. I feel that
I will be judged as a homeschooler and a mother. Explaining away my son's
difficulties to others can be very hurtful to him and is really not necessary
(usually). These comments can also lead people to prejudge them.
There are very few people that my husband and I talk to about our son's learning
struggles. I have a couple of close friends I confide in and they are a
big encouragement to me but the "general public" has no reason to know
about his learning struggles.
One thing we need to keep in mind is we cannot use the fact that our children
that are not "traditional" students is that we do not use this
as an excuse to allow sin or laziness. As I mentioned before, we have one
son who is very active. If he went to school I am sure he would be
classified as ADHD or ADD. However, we can not use this as an excuse to
allow him to act "wild" or annoy others. Yes, it has been much
harder to teach him to sit in church than our other children but we still need
to do it. Likewise, our child who struggles with learning still needs to
do the best he can in school according to his ability.
I am certainly not an expert on learning challenges but one thing that I firmly
believe in is to read, read, read to my children. I believe that reading
to my children is important no matter what their strengths and weaknesses may
be. I spend a minimum of one hour a day (often two) reading to my
children. On weekends my husband often reads to them, too. They
cuddle up next to us and it is a sweet time with, oh, so many benefits. (I
have written another whole article on this so I won't elaborate any more in this
article.)
Today my "nontraditional" child was able to sound out the word
"pestering." That is the longest and most difficult word he has
read. Considering the fact that he usually reads only three letter, short vowel
words, this was a really special moment for both of us. Though the rewards
come more slowly with this child, they are truly sweet when they do come!
Homeschooling my "special needs" child truly is special, indeed one of
the most special things I do.
UPDATE May 1, 2004: This article was originally written a year ago.
I have also been greatly pleased with my nontraditional son's math skills over
the past year. Last year he struggled with math as much as he does with
language arts, but suddenly things "clicked" and he is now at grade
level in math. His handwriting skills have also greatly improved over the
past year. In fact, I would say he has very nice handwriting now. So far,
however, reading has not "clicked.".
After growing up in Central and South America, Kim married her best friend,
Jeff, who grew up in Peru. They were married in 1987. They have
thirteen children, five of whom they have the privilege of raising here on this
earth and eight of whom have gone on to Glory. They now live in Des
Moines, Iowa, where Kim homeschools their five living children.
If you feel it would be an encouragement or a blessing to someone, you
have our permission to forward this article in its entirety. We just ask
that you include this note at the bottom of the article with our name and e-mail
address (Jeff and Kim Stilwell, jkstilwell@juno.com)
in case someone wishes to contact us. Thank you.
