"And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone, I will make him an help meet for him." Genesis 2:18

Even though we have five children, ages 11 and under, I believe that biblically my primary role in our family is to be a helpmate to my husband. Early in our marriage I would sometimes become resentful of this role and think, "What about me?" Though occasionally I still slip back into this old way of thinking, after sixteen years of marriage I find that being a helpmate to my husband has become a source of great joy instead of a chore. I find that when I follow my biblical role I have the peace and contentment that comes from being obedient to the Lord and His Word. I have also found that our marriage, and therefore our family, is stronger.

To fully understand God's Word, it helps me greatly if I am told the practical side of following God's Word. It doesn't help me much to have someone say, "Be a helpmate to your husband." I need specifics on HOW to be a helpmate to him. Here are some practical ways that I have learned through God's Word (often taught by others) over the years: 

1. Pray for him. Recently I read Susannah Wesley's biography. It said that Susannah would often throw her apron over her face. Her children would know not to bother her when they saw the apron over her face. This meant that she was praying to the Heavenly Father. One way I can be a helpmate to my husband is to pray for him. Though I have a specific time in the day to pray and read the Bible, I also often pray sentence prayers all throughout the day. Over half of these prayers are for my husband, "Lord, please give him wisdom as he leads our family," "Lord, please give him wisdom in this difficult decision he has to make," "Lord, please give him an opportunity to witness to a coworker today," "Lord, he is probably driving home about now. Please give him safety on the road" and other prayers like that all throughout the day.

2. Submit to him. The word "submission" is not popular in our culture today, but it is very biblical. We all have someone we need to submit to, and a wife is to submit to her husband. Ephesians 5:22 says, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord." I should not submit to my husband only when I agree with him but all the time. Usually I do not find it difficult to submit to my husband, because we agree on so much. We both want to follow God's Word and this leads us to nearly complete agreement on all the major issues in our life. 

However, there have been times in our marriage when I have disagreed with my husband. For the most part, I have submitted any way. Most of the time I find out that he was right, but in the few cases when I have been right, I should not have an "I told you so" attitude. In spite of being the leader in our home, husbands make mistakes, just as we do. These are learning experiences for them just as we learn from our mistakes. Being submissive to my husband does not mean that I can't respectfully express my opinion to him but once he makes a decision, even if it is not the one I suggested, I need to lovingly and respectfully submit to him. By submitting to my husband, I teach my children to submit to authority. If they hear me make snide comments about my husband or see me roll my eyes when I disagree, I am teaching them to be unsubmissive and disrespectful to authority. Is there ever a time a wife should not submit to her husband? The Bible does teach that we are to "obey God rather than man," so if a husband wants his wife to do something that goes against God's Word, such as steal or lie, that is one time that a wife should not obey her husband.

3. Love him. Titus 2:3-5 tells the older women what they are to teach the younger women. Among other things, they are to teach the younger women to "love their husbands." Loving my husband is not just a feeling (though I do have romantic feelings toward my husband) but an action. If I say I love my husband but constantly belittle him or gossip about him to my friends, then I don't really love him. If I send him a romantic card but never truly listen when he is talking to me, then I don't really love him. Love is an action and a choice, not just a feeling. 

4. Make him # 2. Our husbands should have priority in our lives. The only One who should come before him on our priority list is God. A few months ago I wrote a whole article on this, so I will not spend a lot of time on this but we should put our husband above our children (they will actually be happier and more secure as a result of their Daddy coming "first"), before our friends, before our housework and before even church ministry. 

I praise the Lord that I have a husband that makes it easy for me to be a helpmate to him. He is kind and loving and a wonderful husband and family leader. Perhaps many of you are not in the same situation that I am. My heart goes out to you and if I knew your name and situation, I would certainly pray for you. The Bible does tell us that "to whom much has been given, much more shall be required." Because I have a loving husband, God expects more of me.

Recommended books: "Creative Counterpart" by Linda Dillow and "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace.

If you feel it would be an encouragement or a blessing to someone, you have the Stilwell's permission to forward this article in its entirety. They just ask that you include this note at the bottom of the article with their name and e-mail address (Jeff and Kim Stilwell, jkstilwell@juno.com) in case someone wishes to contact them. Thank you.

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