Last summer, my husband and I celebrated our fifteenth anniversary by going to a Bed and Breakfast. It was the first time, since our oldest son was born ten years before, that we have gone somewhere over night, just the two of us. We had a wonderful time hiking at state park, going to some beautiful gardens, window shopping in the quaint downtown area and admiring the lovely antique furniture at the 120 year old Bed and Breakfast. We enjoyed each of the sweet, precious, romantic 24 hours together.

The gracious host and hostess of the Bed and Breakfast were a young couple who had been married for four years. As we became acquainted with each other, they learned that the reason for our being at the Bed and Breakfast was our fifteenth anniversary. The hostess looked amazed and said, "What is your secret?" It took me a couple of seconds to figure out what she was asking. After all, I know many couples who have been married much longer than we have. In fact my husband's Grandparents have been married for 62 years. By the time I figured out that she was asking what was the secret of staying married for fifteen years, the conversation had moved on.

This is what I would have like to have shared with her. I would have liked to have told her that the reason we are still married is purely the Lord. I would have liked to have shared with her the importance of following our biblical roles, the husband loving the wife as Christ loved the church and the wife submitting to the husband in everything. I wish I could have shared with her the importance of following the wedding vows.

"FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE...."

My husband and I have had many, many "for better" moments. We have shared special moments. We go on "dates", we have our little inside jokes, we wink at each other in public, and we work at being each other's best friend. There is no one I'd rather spend time with than my husband. And of course some of our "for better" times have involved other people such as ministering together at church, visiting with friends and extended family and of course the three announcements of "It's a boy!" and the two times we heard, "It's a girl!" 

As has any couple who has been married any length of time, we have also had our "for worse" moments. When I think of phrases from these "for worse" moments, I still feel a sharp pain in my heart. Some of these phrases have been, "I can't find your baby's heartbeat. I'm sorry, I think you baby has died." "Sweetheart, our new baby boy has a birth defect." "Your husband has juvenile diabetes" And then of course the heartache we shared with the whole country, "Another plane has crashed into the second World Trade Center." 

"IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH...."

Our family has had it's share of health problems. Not as many health problems as some families, but still, we have had our fair share. As I alluded to earlier, my husband has juvenile diabetes. The fact that he has to take insulin and that he can (and has) have dangerous "highs" and "lows" is always on his mind and my mind. We know of diabetics who have gone into a coma, never to come out of it. We know what an unforgiving disease diabetes can be and that, if he is not very, very careful, blindness, amputation, kidney trouble, and many other health problems could be in his future.

I have been on bedrest for many months with several of my pregnancies and have had some physically very painful miscarriages. It once took me a year to recover from a broken tailbone. Some of our children have had health problems as well. As I mentioned earlier, one son was born with a birth defect. He had to have total of ten surgeries. Another son was sickly and could not eat very many foods and lost weight until he had a tonsillectomy. The purpose of this section of the article is not to make all of you feel sorry for us. I am not writing a "Woe is me!" article. I simply want to share that even though our family has had some health problems, our marriage has still taken priority. It has made us appreciate each other and appreciate good health. We don't take our normal good health, and especially the fact that we now have five healthy children, for granted. 

"UNTIL DEATH DO US PART...."

However, never once during any of these times has divorce been considered. For us, divorce is not an option. The word "Divorce" is not in our vocabulary. We don't even joke about it. We meant it with all of our hearts, on our wedding day, when we said, "Until death do us part". 

So, if I were to do it over again, and the hostess of the Bed and Breakfast asked us once again, "What is your secret?"...well, she probably would regret asking me. I would probably say, "I think I WILL take that cup of tea you offered us earlier. Please fix yourself a cup, too, and sit down and join us. Let me share our secret with you." And I would have proceeded to take up the next half hour of her time. Well, I suppose that since it was my husband's and my special weekend together and we only had 24 hours, it was just as well that I did not think of that then. 

How blessed I am, and so very thankful, for this wonderful man who, "For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part", is my husband.

If you feel it would be an encouragement or a blessing to someone, you have the Stilwell's permission to forward this article in its entirety. They just ask that you include this note at the bottom of the article with their name and e-mail address (Jeff and Kim Stilwell, jkstilwell@juno.com) in case someone wishes to contact them. Thank you.

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