Mothers and Fathers and Sons 

The following is a Bible study posted on our Bible Study Group.

Happy Wednesday! It's been an active day in our group, but the Lord is amazing! In His providence, He directed Tom to an article about children this week, and in His providence, it is also the next topic we're going to discuss. However, we're not going to talk about child bearing; rather, let's talk for a few minutes about child TRAINING. I've been looking forward to this, but I have to admit, after studying it in Proverbs, I'm feeling a lot more "sober" about this whole issue. God takes parenting VERY seriously, and we should, too! 

We first looked at Proverbs 1:1-6 and the purpose of this book. Last week we looked at Prov. 1:7 and the fear of the Lord. Today and next week we're going to look at Proverbs 1:8-9 and the topic of sons and fathers and mothers.

These verses say, "My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck." (KJV)

I began my personal study by getting out my Strong's Concordance and looking up all the usages of the words "mother" and "father" in Proverbs. I found "mother" used 14 times and "father" used 18 times. I discovered that there are foolish children and righteous children. I also found that there are wonderful blessings for righteous children (and their parents), but there are also severe consequences for foolish families. Let's look at these verses together.

What does a foolish child look like? Let's look at Proverbs 19:26, which says, "He that wasteth his father, and chaseth away his mother, is a son that causeth shame, and bringeth reproach." Proverbs 28:24 says, "Whoso robbeth his father or his mother, and saith, It is no transgression (sin); the same is the companion of a destroyer." Proverbs 30:11 says, "There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother." As always when we look at Scripture, we shouldn't point fingers at OTHER people's children. Rather, let's look inward at how WE were growing up, then if we have children, we need to check for these evil behaviors in our own homes. However, think of this: where was the parent when his child was stealing from him? Why didn't this parent teach his child that stealing is a sin? Why did the parent LET this child chase him or curse him? Who is the adult here anyway? (Ever feel like this?) 

My question is an age-old one. Who reaps the consequences for foolish children -- the parents or the children? For instance, I know parents whose children are grown but do not live for the Lord. Often, their parents will say, "Well, we did our best. We just have to leave them to the Lord now." I've also heard of grown children who have come back to the Lord and say, "It's all my parents' fault that I turned out the way I did! If they had only done such and such, I wouldn't have had all these bad things happen to me!"

Well, first, what are the consequences for foolish behavior for the children, whether small or grown? Proverbs 20:20 says, "Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness." Proverbs 30:17 says, "The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it." The descriptive language used here makes my heart get cold! How many moms and dads say that their child's happiness is their number one goal? Yet without discipline, Scripture warns that happiness is the LAST thing our children will have! I know that dreadful things happening to one of my children is the stuff of nightmares, yet a disobedient child is inviting the curse of God. 

What about the parents? What misery will they have to live with if they have foolish, disobedient, mocking and cursing children? Unfortunately, Proverbs has MUCH to say about this! Proverbs 10:1 says that "a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother," and Proverbs 15:20 says that "a foolish man despiseth his mother." I know that, as a mom, I do NOT want to be despised by my children! We already read Proverbs 19:26, which says, "He that wasteth his father, and chaseth away his mother, is a son that causeth shame, and bringeth reproach." This shame is brought upon the child himself, but it's also brought on the parents, the family and the community. Of course, it doesn't start when the child is grown, for Proverbs 29:15 says that "a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." 

There's more! Proverbs 17:21 and 25 says, "He that begetteth a fool doeth it to his sorrow: and the father of a fool hath no joy... A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bare him." As we were discussing in other e-mail today, this is a stern warning that giving birth to children does not necessarily bring blessing! RIGHTEOUS children are the goal! Also, Proverbs 19:13 says that "a foolish son is the calamity of his father," and Proverbs 28:7 says that "he that is a companion of riotous men shameth his father." Doesn't this sound like so many fathers we see, men whose lives are ruined financially or whose reputations are damaged without repair, simply because their sons got into trouble with the law or whatever? 

So who bears the consequences? I think it's fair to say that BOTH do! 

So what exactly is the responsibility of parents? First, let's read Proverbs 4:1-4: "Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding. For I give you good doctrine, forsake ye not my law. For I was my father's son, tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother. He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my words: keep my commandments, and live..." Fathers are to "instruct" and give good "doctrine" (Strongs #3948, something received or mental instruction). They are to give "laws" to their children (what child likes that?!). They are to start when their children are young ("tender"). In fact, the words "only beloved in the sight of my mother" make me think that this was still an only child, too young to yet have siblings! Finally, fathers are to pass on the instruction that they learned from their own fathers.

Proverbs doesn't stop there. Proverbs 29:15 says that "the rod and reproof give wisdom." There is so much on the "rod" in Proverbs, I'd like to talk just about this next week! Keep in mind that Proverbs 3:12 says, "For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth." Discipline is a way of showing love to our children, regardless of what our culture may try to tell us! 

Notice that many of these verses are directed to the father. I think it is a firm principle of Scripture that the father needs to be taking an active leadership role in the training of his children, even though in the majority of homes, I see moms doing most of the child training. Of course, Proverbs doesn't let mothers off the hook. For instance, Proverbs 31:1 says that King Lemuel was taught specific spiritual truths by his mother. 

Parents, teach your children to listen and obey your instruction! Of course, children have some responsibility in this as well. Proverbs 1:8 says, "My son, HEAR the instruction of they father, and FORSAKE NOT the law of thy mother." Proverbs 4:1 says, "HEAR, ye children, the instruction of a father, and ATTEND TO KNOW understanding." Proverbs 28:7 says, "Whoso KEEPETH THE LAW is a wise son." I firmly believe that one of my first jobs as a parent, when I'm holding a young baby and barely-beginning-to-toddle child is to teach him to HEAR me and LISTEN and PAY ATTENTION. I make my very little ones (nine months old, or even younger) look at me in the eye when I talk. I require first-time obedience at a very young age so that my children learn to listen from the beginning. I don't want to have to retrain on this very essential skill! 

Ahhh... the good part is coming! Just as the Lord sternly warns us parents in Proverbs, He also promises great blessing to those parents who have a "quiver full" of righteous children (see Psalm 127 and 128). First, what can the parent expect? Well, Proverbs 10:1 says, "A wise son maketh a glad father." Proverbs 15:20 says the exact same thing again! Proverbs 29:3 promises that "whoso loveth wisdom rejoiceth his father." Dads can look forward with joy to those teen years, not with dread! I especially love the words of Proverbs 23:22-25 that say, "Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old. Buy the truth, and sell it not; also wisdom, and instruction, and understanding. The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him. Thy father and thy mother shall be glad, and she that bare thee shall rejoice." What a great promise! 

Our kids can be greatly blessed, too. Proverbs 1:8-9 says, "My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother; For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains (jewelry, not prison chains, LOL!) about thy neck." What a word picture! Proverbs 6:20-23 says, "My son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother: Bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck. When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee. For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life..." We can give no greater heritage to our children! 

Proverbs 22:6, a controversial verse in Proverbs, says, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." However, after looking at so many other verses in Proverbs, I don't see how there can be any controversy. I also firmly believe that the opposite of this verse is true: "DO NOT train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he WILL depart from it."

Next week we'll discuss in greater detail exactly HOW Proverbs says we should train up our children. 

I hope you've been blessed by this week's study. I'm sorry again for being so long. This is a BIG, MEATY book, huh! However, combined with these weekly studies and our daily readings in Proverbs, I'm learning a lot about how following God's advice (whether it's about parenting or anything else) brings wonderful blessing. I don't want to miss out on that, do you? 

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