Colossians 3:18-21

The following is a Bible study originally posted on our Bible Study Group.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the
Lord.
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
(Colossians 3:18-21, NKJV)

I've had these verses posted next to my sink for a few weeks now, and
everytime I would look at them and think about what I wanted to say today,
I'd think, "Wow! I could write a few BOOKS just on these four verses! How
will I ever condense it down into one readable Bible study?!"

Actually, many books have been written on these verses, and you can find
some of my favorites listed at http://www.anneshomeyplace.com. But I was
also impressed with how Paul kept everything short and sweet when he wrote.
So I'll try to do that, too! :-)

One thing I wanted to keep in mind as I wrote was that the majority of the
members of our little group are women (sorry, Tom). So I tried to think of
some ways that women could learn from all four of these verses, even though
only the first one is addressed to wives. So that's what I'm going to talk
about...

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord."

How come Paul wrote to wives first, before telling husbands to love their
wives? It's not fair! LOL! Submitting isn't fun, and it's certainly not
easy. However, Paul tells us that the fitting thing for wives to do -- the
thing that most pleases the Lord -- is to submit. So even if our husbands
don't act very loving toward us, our responsibility isn't relieved.
Submission is our first priority in marriage. (I firmly believe that as we
lovingly, happily and un-naggingly submit, all the other pieces of a happy
marriage will fall into place. Anyone want to share some personal
experience with this?)

"Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them."

Why would husbands be bitter toward their wives? Maybe because we're human
and won't submit all the time? Maybe because we're one of those contentious
women mentioned in Proverbs, the one whose nagging is like a continuous
dripping of a leaky faucet? Ladies, we can't control whether our husbands
are obedient by loving us, but there is a whole lot we can do to prevent
them from becoming bitter toward us. Here's a thought: try to recall all
the reasons your husband fell in love with you in the first place. Have you
fulfilled all his dreams, helping him and standing with him through the good
and the bad... or is he wishing he'd never married you after all? Go back
to verse 18. Submit to your husband, as is fitting in the Lord. Again, I
firmly believe that as you submit to your husband, he won't be able to keep
himself from loving you.

"Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the
Lord."

Okay, we're changing gears here, although remember that a submissive wife is
a fabulous example to her children. Enough of that... How do we mothers
teach our children to obey us in all things? Simply require it. For some
practical ideas, let's answer these questions: who, what, when, where, why.
Who do your children spend time with all day? The more time your children
spend in your actual presence, in the same room with you, the easier it will
be to mold their little hearts and teach them to obey. Also, be cautious
about the friends your children have, for "bad company corrupts good
manners" (1 Cor. 15:33, NIV). (See this article for more ideas:
http://www.atriptothewoodshed.com/basic.htm) What are your children to do?
Obey. Not talk back. Not whine or complain. Not obey grudgingly. Simply
obey, happily, the first time you speak. This takes training, since no
child is born with the propensity to happily doing what you say every time
you say it. However, set obedience as the standard in your home, then work
with your children until they reach the standard. (The younger they are,
the easier it will be...) When should they obey? The first time you say
it. Kids are human and like to push their limits. Did you really mean it
when you said, "Eat all your peas"? Did you mean it when you told them not
to touch? They'll test you, so be ready with an appropriate consequence
that is administered kindly and fairly if they don't obey the first time.
(See this site for more ideas: http://www.doorposts.net/if_then.htm) Where
can you learn how to teach your children to obey? I think the book of
Proverbs is the most helpful parenting book. Did you know that Proverbs has
31 chapters, enough to read one each day of the month? Keep a colored
marker handy as you read and mark each book that applies to parenting. One
month I also marked all the verses that list blessings for obedience. You
could also mark the warnings against disobedience. Why should your children
obey? Because it is well pleasing to the Lord. I love the verse that says
"to obey is better than sacrifice" (1 Sam. 15:22, KJV). Many times we
Christian parents try to train our children only by reading Bible stories to
them, teaching them memory verses, taking them to church and giving them
lots of affection. While these are all good things, the Bible is clear that
obedience is the top priority. Why? Because obedience reaches their heart.
It teaches them later to obey God Himself! Without this training, will they
have the inner self control that is so essential to a close relationship
with the Lord?

"Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."

This verse is obviously targeted at the men. Paul isn't specific about how
dads can provoke their children, but it says that the result is discouraged
children. My only suggestion here is that we wives can keep an eagle eye
out for the atmosphere in our homes and maybe take our husbands aside
privately and give them loving (submissive!) suggestions about how they can
encourage their kids. We would never do this in front of the kids, of
course, because we wouldn't want to undermine our husband's authority, but
maybe we could quietly suggest that Dad tuck the kids in tonight, or read
them a bedtime story, or send them a love note in their lunch box, or give
the kids lots of hugs and kisses. Anyone else have any ideas on this verse?
(As a side note, I believe that moms can provoke their children, too.
Sometimes we only see the bad in our kids, and then we loudly complain about
their behavior to friends, grandparents and husbands, too. I notice this
happening in my own home when I get too busy, so busy that I begin to see my
children as intrusions on my time.)

Well, that about sums up what I want to say. I just want to break out in
song when I realize all God has done for me. He has given me a new life in
Christ (Colossians 1-2) and He transforms my home! What a blessing! Only
God can make these changes. Isn't He wonderful?

For more helpful marriage advice, see
http://www.anneshomeyplace.com/spouse.htm. For more helpful parenting
advice, see http://www.anneshomeyplace.com/teaching%20children.htm.


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